The Hitchhikers Academy
by EldunariAllerion
Summary: Ford Prefect, the principal of the Hitchhikers Academy, gives up his job to teach a student when the school is one teacher short. In doing this, he throws them both into and adventure they'll never forget!
1. Chapter 1: Kari

The Hitchhikers Academy

**Chapter 1**

Ford Prefect looked over his copy of _The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_. He was a tall, tan brunette, with a white towel hanging around his neck. He was just about to make a speech to the new students. As the principal, he was required to do this. He may not have liked it, but it was better than having to take one of them on as an apprentice. But that was the next ceremony. These guys were fresh meat. He stood up, straightened his jacket, and went up to the podium, where the vice principal, Arthur Dent, had just introduced him.

"Welcome, new students!" He said. He had repeated this speech many times over the past three years, and it was starting to get old. "My name in Principal Prefect. Today is your first day at the Academy. I wish you luck. You're going to need it. Over the next four years, you are going to learn all of the necessities of being a hitchhiker. Then you are going to be tested in the real worlds while being supervised and further instructed by a fully trained hitchhiker." His words rang through the silent room. All eyes were on him. Even after all the events he had done, it was still unnerving. "I you will proceed to the next room, you will get all the materials you need for your courses: a towel, a copy of _The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy_, and your class schedule. Thank you, and happy travels." It wasn't much of a pep talk, but it got the job done. Ford stepped off the podium and walked behind the curtain. From behind, he could hear the vice principal calling off the names of students in the order that they were supposed to into the prep room.

Ford knew that he only had ten minutes to get ready for the next assembly. This was the fun one. At this assembly, the students who had already been there for four years were going to get picked by trained hitchhikers to travel the galaxy. A bell rang in the distance. It was time.

Ford picked his way through the other staff members. He knew how this would work. He would give a short speech and then call up a hitchhiker and they would pick a student to go with them. It was a traditional schoolyard pick, but it was fast and effective.

He was headed to the stage when the Dent came running up to him in a panic. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his towel as he stopped a moment to catch his breath.

"What are we going to do?" He asked, close to tears.

"About what?" Ford was cool and calm. He had known Dent for quite a while, and knew that he was easily excitable, so it didn't mean much that he was up in a frenzy.

"One of the hitchhikers isn't coming!" Okay, this really _was_ bad news. If a hitchhiker wasn't coming, that meant that there was a graduating student wouldn't have a teacher, which meant that they would have to stay an extra year. What would the school do with them? They had completed all the classes that the school had to offer. So, what next? Hitchhikers weren't on-demand for the school. They had lives. But someone had to teach whoever it was that wouldn't have a teacher. So Ford made one of the hardest, and possibly stupidest, choices of his life.

"I'll take their place."

Dent was shocked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said. I'm going to take the place of the hitchhiker who isn't coming." With that, Ford walked to the stage without giving the other man any time to react.

Dent had to get over his shock fast. He rushed to the stage, straightening up as he went. "Congratulations, graduating students! Now, give a warm welcome to your principal, Ford Prefect!"

"Welcome back, students, to this auditorium for the last time. I wish you luck as you travel, especially with the teachers you've got this year." There was some chuckling in the back of the room. Ford smiled and continued. "With that said, I'm going to welcome the teachers for this year, starting with Reina Waters." Reina Waters picked Fara Weigh, and so it went until there was only one person left, a scrawny, petite little girl with short, mousey-brown hair. She looked so disappointed and downcast when she looked around at the room and saw that there were no more teachers left to pick her.

_What have I gotten myself into?_ Ford thought before he said, "Students, teachers, staff, and honored guests, may I have you're attention for just a moment more? I have an important announcement to make." The room fell silent. This wasn't supposed to happen! "I'm going to leave this school this year. As you can see, we are one teacher short this year." He beckoned to the girl, who had moved to the far side of the stage. She walked over shyly. Ford leaned away from the microphone. "What is your name, dear?"

"Karyssa Marxis," she whispered, terrified.

"As of right now," Ford continued to his audience. He could actually relate to the shy, scared girl beside him. This was the first thing he had said as a principal that had not been rehearsed a number of times before he got on stage. "As of right now, I am taking Karyssa Marxis as my apprentice. I am handing the school over to my assistant. Good luck and happy travels." The room burst with questions, but now that he had a student, Ford didn't have time to deal with them. He quickly ushered Karyssa off the stage.

"Karyssa, go and get your things from your room and meet me in my rooms in an hour."

"Yessir. And please, sir, could you call me Kari?"

"Of course, Kari. Now hurry! We don't have all day."

Kari nodded and scurried to her rooms. She may have been picked last, but she had definitely got the best teacher. No one else could say that the principal had given up their job to teach them. That was an honor that she kept herself, and she was glad of it.


	2. Chapter 2: Jungle

The Hitchhikers Academy

**Chapter 2**

Ford and Kari sat in the Great Expanse, an exact replica of the Heart of Gold. They were traveling at light speed to their destination: Cruton. Ford had decided that, since this was a very active planet, it would be the perfect place to start Kari's training. It also had an excellent security base where they could leave the Great Expanse until they could come back to it.

In the few hours that he had known Kari, he could already see that she was a quite, shy girl who did nothing but read. From the few facts he had gleaned from her, he knew that she was only fourteen, which meant that she had passed a year ahead of time. No wonder, from all the reading she was doing. Also, she had never been anywhere on her own. He would have to break her of that.

The trip took several hours, even at light speed. When they arrived, the terminal was already so full with ships trying to land that it took another hour to get to the ground and another half and hour to get to the security base. Ford was so frustrated that he would have yelled for the whole hour and a half if he didn't have to worry about Kari. He was sure that if he started yelling, she would think it was her fault.

They stepped out into a tropical jungle. In the distance, a monkey screeched. This looked nothing like the bustling space port that they had just seen through the window of the Great Expanse. Ford turned around to find that the Great Expanse had disappeared, along with Kari. Now, Ford was scared. Actually, that was an understatement. Ford was terrified. He had just walked from a bustling city port to a deserted jungle and now his apprentice had disappeared.

Ford turned back to face the jungle only to find that Kari had kept her composure, and while he had been thinking about how scared he was, she had set up a fire and was looking for something that they could cut the trees. Maybe he had underestimated her.

Finally, Kari found an abandoned machete stuck in a tree. Here, Ford took control, grabbed the machete and began to cut small branches for a fire and large branches for a shelter. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Kari had disappeared again. He figured that she had just gone to get something else, but his mind was completely changed when he heard deep, maniacal laughter and a high-pitched scream from somewhere nearby.

Ford ran in the direction of the sounds and arrived just in time to see Kari being dragged by four very primitively dressed men. Ford sized up the men and calculated that he was no match for the four men who were at least twice his size. But he couldn't just let them take Kari! Even though he hadn't known her for very long, he still felt responsible, as her teacher, for her safety. So he came up with a plan.

He followed the men and Kari and found their camp. He watched all through the day as the men tortured Kari for what seemed like no reason at all. That night, he snuck into the camp, recaptured Kari, and ran with her, bruised and bleeding, back to the camp that they had set up. He set her gingerly down. He tried to stay up to keep watch, but he soon fell asleep.

When he woke up, he saw that Kari had no injuries on her body, not even a sign that they had ever been there. He also noticed that they were no longer in the jungle.


	3. Chapter 3: Desert

The Hitchhikers Academy

**Chapter 3**

Ford and Kari had somehow been transported to a desert while they had been sleeping. Gently, Ford woke Kari up.

"Where are we?" She asked groggily.

"Honestly," Ford answered, "I have no idea."

"Well," Kari said. "We can't wait around forever." She walked off. Ford turned to look a different direction, keeping Kari in the range of his peripheral vision. HE saw her walk a little way off and then disappear suddenly with a muffled thump and a yelp.

Ford rushed to the spot where he had last seen her and almost fell himself. He was at the edge of a hole, about five feet in diameter and so far down that he couldn't see the bottom.

Ford turned circles, looking for something he could use to climb down the smooth, wet sides of the drop. He stopped short when, in the distance, he saw a sandstorm blowing towards him at a quick pace. His last thought before he jumped was that Kari was safer down in the hole than he was up in the sandstorm.

He stayed rigid the whole way down, and since he had been expecting the drop when he jumped into the hole, it wasn't as bad for him as it was for Kari. He came out with only a few scratches, bumps and bruises, but Kari had those plus two broken bones from when she hit rock-bottom.

One of the bones Kari had broken was her left leg, the other her right arm, and, adding those on the shock of unexpectedly falling down a hole, she was out cold, making it so that Ford had to carry her.

Ford had to climb up a steep tunnel with Kari adding extra weight, it took him hours to find the exit and get out. He was shivering uncontrollably, and not from the weight or nerves. He wasn't wearing a jacket and had stepped onto a cliff high above the clouds on a mountaintop.


	4. Chapter 4: Mountain

The Hitchhikers Academy

**Chapter 4**

Ford realized that he would have to find shelter. His first idea was to go back into the cave that he had just come out of, but when he turned to face the mountain, it was gone. Solid rock was where the cave should have been. Ford ended up walking a quarter of a mile before he found a cave big enough for two people.

The cave only blocked the wind, so it was still extremely cold. Ford checked Kari for wounds again, ready to use his shirt to bind them, but found that they, too, had left no traces when they left. Leaving many questions unanswered, he went off to look for some firewood, but with no luck. The only firewood he could find was too wet to be able to use. He wasn't dressed for the cold, so he made his way back to the cave.

He was almost there when he heard a scream. Kari was dangling by her fingertips over the edge of a cliff. Ford rushed to her aid. He was almost there when he heard a great crashing and crumbling. An avalanche covered him with snow, and he blacked out and knew no more. The last thing he heard was Kari's scream as she finally lost her grip and fell to her doom.


	5. Chapter 5: Slavery

The Hitchhikers Academy

**Chapter 5**

Ford awoke on a comfortable couch in a red-hot room. Someone was gently dabbing his forehead with a cold, wet cloth. He tried to sit up, but was still sore from the avalanche. He was confused when he remembered that he had just been covered in snow. How had he survived? Who had saved him? Kari had fallen, and there was no one else nearby that he could tell, or anywhere that they could have taken shelter if they had been there, for that matter.

Ford opened his eyes. The room he was in was as red-hot as the temperature, but that wasn't what was most surprising. Sitting in a chair, talking to a man standing in the doorway, was Kari. But this wasn't the Kari that he knew. She had the same color of eyes and hair, and her face was the same shape, but her eyes were cold with malice and her face was stiff, prissy, and heartless. She turned toward him for a moment.

Turning back to face the man, she said, "See, didn't I tell you, father. I knew he wouldn't pass the mountain test." Test?

"I know, my sweet. You win. He did manage to pass the desert test. It surprised me. He never had any guts before. You did well, my dear, if you could get him to save you without being forced to." Ford took a better look at the man, and gasped in surprise. It was his old arch-nemesis, Christof Miglepi. He was repulsed by the fact that Kari was the daughter of the man who had almost cost him his career before it had even started.

Ford tried to sit up, and this time, he succeeded. "What do you mean by test?" He asked.

"Oh," Kari said, "That's simple. You see, father and I had a bet. We set up three tests for you. Father thought that you wouldn't get past the second one, but I knew that you wouldn't fail until the third. The prize for winning was you as a slave."

"And if I had passed all three?"

"It was a very slim chance, but you would have been set free without knowing a thing." Right. Ford slumped back against the pillows. Whoever was dabbing at his forehead had stopped and he soon found out that they had gone to get a sliver neck brace of ownership that was soon slapped around his neck.

Ford became Kari's slave and stayed that way until he died. Nobody suspected a thing. Ford had no duties as principal, since Arthur Dent was the principal now, and, seven years later, Kari made him go with her to the academy to get her Hitchhiker license so that she could go wherever she wanted without him. After Kari got her license, Ford went into "seclusion" and was never seen or heard from again by anyone but the Miglepis.


End file.
